Haven't been contacting Jon since recess on Thursday morning, he went for summer camp. :( Naturally I've been missing him.. But that aside, I've been left alone to think a lot these days. Not much, but more than usual. I haven't been talking to anyone lately. Talking, as in telling them all the little things that have been going on in my life. Perhaps just Kenneth and Xinyi. But I think I tell Kenneth more things than I do to Xinyi. There were my girl friends too, but... I don't know. :(
For example... I had a massive quarrel with my Dad on Monday night, which set me crying for about four hours straight. Felt like shit and all, definitely. It was pretty much over the B3 I scored for my Chinese O's. I kinda expected it, but I was just terribly upset that I was the minority..... Well, that feeling. Apparently, Sheena felt the same way I did. At least I know I wasn't alone that once. :')
I felt awful on Monday, and I'm sorry I cried in school. It wasn't about my B3, it didn't affect me that much, even though there were people who came and bastard me about it. But okay. I broke down because I was guilty -- guilty of bastarding Wilson, confident that he wouldn't do well, but he did worse than I thought... Sorry. :(
Called my brother to ask how he did, and he told me his results, asked me why I called.. Out of concern, actually. But he thought I called to laugh at him. Like hell, no. I was hoping he'd score a 15 or so... But nah.
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Everything's clearing up now, though. :) I've been spending my days by myself, since no one needs me anyway.. But when I did need someone, Kenneth was there to be my listening ear. I can't be much more thankful for such a friend. :) Wilson was there for a day or two, too, even though this fucker stood me up for Mac Breakfast on Tuesday morning. Ugh I haven't satisfied my craving, it's been around since the holidays! Damn. :( So, Mac Breakfast someday, anyone? :)
Tuesday sucked a lot because I woke up with puffy eyes. Sigh... Spent Wednesday studying with Sean and Kenneth, did a lot of talking too. :) What a week it was. And the next ten months are gonna be really busy as well.. On a brighter note, my dad gave me $100 the night after we quarreled! Sadly, I spent $90 yesterday when I went to Bugis with my sister-in-law. :(
The even sadder fact? I only bought one sailor-looking Mango top for $50, and a pair of Havaianas for $40. Mega ouch, because I go for cheap and pretty stuff, not branded goods. If I went out with a girlfriend I could have bought so much more!! :( But oh well, it was all out of my dad's pocket, so I shouldn't be complaining, eh?
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Nostalgia.
Had tuition after parents' forum just now, and I went everywhere feeling nostalgic, thinking about Jonathan, and how we always behaved together. I saw couples together on the bus, and I thought about how I'd always rest my head on his shoulder, and the seat that I was on was the exact one we always sat on.
I went to tuition, and I sat at my usual seat in the corner. I couldn't help but recall how I'd sit in class by myself every Saturday because he never attended class after his exams, but then he would come in to class within the last ten minutes and say hi to Mrs Kumar, then sit down, right there beside me. :') And we'd head elsewhere after that.
The route back to Toa Payoh on bus 73, I remember earlier days when we weren't together, he alighted outside St. Gabriel's Primary and we would wave to each other until the bus drove off.. :) And back at Toa Payoh, I recalled how we walked about together, shopping and bastarding each other as usual.
I remember us poking each other, annoying each other, but end up laughing it off anyway. Us holding hands, linking arms, skipping around like mega morons, and when people stared at us we'd tell each other, "Look what you did! Omg this is so embarrassing I don't know you, bye."
I remember us talking about and considering our relationship very seriously, then get all emotional sometimes. Yet on the contrary, I'd give him the dumbest reactions at times and we'd both end up laughing. :')
I remember our first phone call, it lasted for three hours, and he called because I was upset. He spoke to me with that protective tone, and I cried upon knowing that there was someone who actually cared so much although we were barely anything.
I remember the first time he hugged me -- it was also because I was upset and crying. It felt wrong, because I was in a relationship then. But I didn't push him away, I wonder why. He put his hand on my head and lowered my head, such that the tears that fell from my eyes landed on his left shoulder. It mattered to me because through his actions, he proved to me how much I was in his heart, even though we were barely anything.
I remember the first time we took a long bus ride together, he let me rest my head on his shoulder... even though we were barely anything. I constantly drifted in and out of my nap due to the jerky ride, and I remember feeling him holding my head steady so I wouldn't be affected by the bumps. And he always kissed me on my forehead, even though we were barely anything.
But then we were eventually something more than barely anything, we became good friends. I remember we always went out together. We met up for lunch after school, walked around Nex as 'good friends'. Occasionally we ran into familiar faces, and they were all like, "Hey wassup, that your girlfriend/ boyfriend?" :) And we'd answer no, without much hesitation. We'd go on study dates and tuition together, sometimes head out to the mall for a walk.
I'd go around looking for Domokun items, and if we saw a whole shelf of them, he'd allow me to stare at them for a minute or two.. Then when I snapped out of my daze and start to plan on buying something, he'd drag me away because he knows I have no use for any of the merchandise displayed. X)
And we became more than good friends, honeymoon period huh? It was something I suppose people would call a 'flirtationship', we weren't a couple, but we liked each other... a lot. At the beginning there were no feelings attached, he just wanted someone to be with and I just wanted a guy best friend I could hang out with. But then we grew closer, and kaboom. He was always there for me when I needed someone's shoulder to cry on, someone to pour all my troubles to. He always studied with me, so in a way he was a motivation, yet a distraction.
But I loved the way everything was. Eventually we fell... And we got together. People say, "You don't look for love, let love find you. That's why you fall in love, you don't jump into love." Ours ain't a perfect story, far from one, I'm pretty sure. We've done things we shouldn't have done at one point or another,
Our last movie together, was 'You Are The Apple Of My Eye', a really emotional show. It made me think about our future together. Or rather, whether or not we'd even have a future together. The uncertainties made me so unsure and insecure, I'm not even sure how I should put this.
Right now, though, I just really want my Jonathan back here. Back here in Singapore. Back here, right beside me. Back here, right where he should be. If he didn't leave for Perth we'd be studying together right now, working really hard and all. And we'd graduate together, we'd move on in life together. We'd do so much together, but we can't.
I'm sorry, I just miss him so much.
And I'm feeling terribly nostalgic today...
Anyway, here's a picture from Monday night, he constantly acted like an idiot to make me smile, and he succeeded. This, is another reason why I love him so. :') And yes, I know it's blurry. Deal with it.
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